We're all aware that when it comes to storms there's always a calm period before its imminent arrival. In the case of 'Bedtime' the roles are reversed. While you're anxiously waiting for the calm period of the evening to commence, you first have to navigate through the storm.

Children seem to have this animal instinct that forces them to fight with that last bit of energy against sleep. The routine always follows the same process, first you have to start preparing them for bed well in advance by starting to get them calmer. In our case it means getting Brandon, 21 months, on the couch with us to minimise distractions. Mikey, 5, requires us to get him in bed and watching a movie. Sounds annoyingly easy, doesn't it.

Brandon will, inevitably, turn the cute factor on (they know just when to do it). First he decides that now is the only time in the day he is willing to hand out some love. The kisses and hugs you've been begging and waiting for the whole day make their long awaited appearance. In an instant 'bedtime' is forgotten. How can we pass up an opportunity to get what we've been longing for all day? There is no-one better at the art of manipulation than a child.
Brandon has his mother rapped around his finger, for instance, when I raise my voice and tell him to close his eyes and go to sleep, he throws his head into the pillow and shuts his eyes with all the power he has. This tiny act of defiance seems to tickle my wife in her stomach and invoke a bout of laughing hysteria. Eventually you change tactics, ignore him and let the power of the Sandman do its work.

Just as you think, "this is it", they cross the imaginary line between tired and stupid. Brandon takes on the role of a patient after the pre-meds have kicked in. Incoherent murmurs and deliberate, slow arm and hand movements are the order of events for a while.  The next moment you take a glimpse to see what he's up to now, he's gone, out for the count! Before you lays this calm, quiet, cute and angelic little monster. The last half and hour's nightmare simply vanishes from memory.

In case you've forgotten, while we're battling Brandon we are trying to win a game of mind chess with Michael. This calls for a different strategy to Brandon. You see, Mikey learned the art of negotiating early and we're suffering for this daily. First the negotiating starts as to which movie he's going to watch. Of course we want something mild and placid, he wants Ben10 (an animated story about a boy that changes into various aliens to combat other aliens).

Once the boardroom is adjourned and all parties are happy with the settlement, we tuck him in and say our 'good nights' followed by sweet dreams. We must be dreaming to think that's all it's going to take! At this point Mikey decides that now is the time to tell you what happened in his day, not the hundred and fifty times before that when you asked him how his day was. Michael's favourite response to that question is "Why do you always ask me that!?"  Now is also the time you find out what the exorbitant amount of money you give the school buys you. He politely lets us know what he's learnt today and it's described in colourful detail with the speed of a preacher's sermon, at snail's pace. Once those stalling formalities have been handled, we leave the room.

Then, behold, "I'm thirsty" enters the scene! Commence with another round of negotiating. "If you're really thirsty Michael you'll drink water". The response? "Water doesn't taste nice" or, my personal favourite "Water makes me more thirsty, Coke and Fanta doesn't". When he's pushed us to the brink of melt down of Hulkesk proportions, he smacks us with manipulation 101.
"Daaadd?", "YES, MICHAEL!", the prominent vain on my forehead and in my neck jump out like that Jack in the Box and the tone in my voice is littered with irritation. "I Love You, Dad, Goodnight". I transform from the Hulk to a whimpering puppy in half a second!  I make my way to his bed and give him a hug and kiss that acts as my waterfall of love, "Sweet dreams my boy, I Love You."

Eventually we're there! I feel like Moses reaching the Promised Land. Now I can sit peacefully in front of the T.V. with my wife in my arms. Finally we're going to enjoy that calm period we've been waiting for. Within minutes we're both asleep on the couch!  Sometimes I dream about Mikey and Brandon standing over us, telling each other, "Don't they look so peaceful and cute when they're sleeping?"