Brother Michael, Father Michael

By Cat Wayland

ome life lessons are so difficult to learn.  Whether played out in our own lives or the lives of a loved one.  In my 42 years, it is harder to watch someone I love hurt.  It is the most brutal feeling to watch and yet, not be able to do anything. 

My brother Michael is older than me by four years.  He has always been my big hero.  He rescued me when I was a little girl floating offshore in deep waters at the beach.  Michael brought me under his wing to learn and love rock n’ roll.  I went to his college my freshman year and he proudly introduced me to all his friends and asked them to love and protect me just as he did. 

When my brother got married to his first wife, they had two children.  And I have never seen my brother love anything more than his daughter and son.  And because of his love for them, I loved them deeply and passionately the minute I saw their angel faces.  Michael was so patient with them no matter the crying, the questions, the tantrums, and the demands.  He taught me how to be a parent, and I am forever grateful.

After 14 years together, my brother and sister-in-law divorced.  And that was sad, very sad.  It is always sad when two people that once loved each other enough to marry, say vows and have children, separate forever.  And rather than simply take the side of my brother, I would rather say that two adults made mistakes that they need to make amends for and do their very best on behalf of the children involved.

But after the divorce, the children stayed with their mom and the alienation between the parents became alienation between my brother and the children.  No matter how much my brother wanted to see his son and daughter, his ex-wife stayed angry at the marriage and the divorce settlement and made it impossible for the father-child relationships to thrive. 

I watched my brother call and call the house to talk and make arrangements with the children.  There were always excuses and evasions, and changed plans.  I watched my brother’s patience for a while.  And then I saw his patience fade away.  I watched my brother’s heart cry in agony and finally, break. 

But even in all his pain, my brother taught me another lesson.  Michael even in his heartbreak refuses to walk away from his children or to disrespect his ex-wife in front of the children.  He has taken the higher road in the greatest onslaught of his life.  Whenever he can see his children, he flies, drives and takes any way to go to them.  Michael might drive for twelve hours only to see his son or daughter for two hours. 

One night, my strong quiet brother cried very hard about his failure to keep his children safe in all of the trouble between himself and his ex-wife.  It was the second time in his life that I had ever seen my big brother cry.  I wanted to revenge his pain with a letter, a phone call, something to hurt back on his behalf.  But my brother would not have me do that.  Michael woke up the next morning and kept up his resolve to be a good father to his children in whatever way he was allowed by the rules of his ex-wife and laws of the country.  I do not know if I could ever be that big a person, but I have my brother’s example in my view.