Dear IF readers,

Sorry to be gone so long. My sons, Jax and Brody have had two school vacations back to back. So I have played and played and played alongside them for almost 3 weeks now, Disney in Orlando and then Daytona Beach. And I have watched my sons love one another as siblings do.

My boys move in and out of each day with love, and war. It is always passionate and rarely lukewarm. When they are loving one another, it is such a wonderful thing to watch. The other day, Jax went out to check whether Brody was safe on a veranda, and when he found him safe, he hugged and kissed him and patted his back reassuringly. I melted.

The Wars are about things and people. Tonight I offered my boys 2 small toys I found in a convenience store. I thought about offering them the same exact thing as always or mixing it up - giving Jax the fish he loves and Brody the ducks he has been collecting over the weekend. I mixed it up and guessed wrong. The war began and a gift became an object of territory and envy. My heart sank. I bookmarked it. Not ready for different gifts. Remember to buy same exact thing. Noted. Wait for war to end.

All day long is the subtext of competition over people and especially mommy and daddy. “I love you Boo” I will whisper into my youngest ear as we sit together reading a book. And no matter how far away in the room, my oldest will say, “Do you love me too, Mommy?” And Brody as well. “You are so loving Jax” I say often to him as he gestures towards people, “Am I loving too, Mommy?” “Yes Brody, Yes Jax, I love you both and you are both loving,” I say over and over all day reassuringly.

And it is tiring to reassure two humans all day. It is a careful balance to make sure that both feel the same, loved equally, given to equally. And yet, when I remember my own little heart many years ago, and I remember the bursting and the diving of my feelings from gestures, or possessions, especially the possession of my parent’s love, I breathe in that energy of memory and I reassure them one more time before exhausted they fall asleep. Tonight they are in Mommy and Daddy’s bed after the long trip. They are snuggled together on the same pillow. Jax always on his back with his arms spread like an eagle, Brody on his tummy tucked under his big brother’s arm.

Here is to a month of sibling stories, join me in the storytelling, Cat Wayland

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