Dear IF readers,

Sorry to be out of touch for a little while. It really takes me awhile to get my legs after a trip. I go away from my children and go into another gear entirely. I am 41 years old and not around my children, I act much slower and spacey. Around my 3 and 5 year old climbing the walls, jumping out of a car window, running through parking lots, throwing balls at glass window- boys boys boys - I am like a patrol officer in the midst of a high speed chase, the adrenaline is pumping. I shift back up to meet the boys level and I am in bed for a week by 8 p.m. That is usually when I write this blog, after I tuck the boys in. Sorry again.

April is Autism Awareness month and there are so many books, articles, fundraising and awareness activities this month. I think what I respond to mostly is the range affecting any child or adult. It is broad, very broad. I know that when my boys are going through something in even what is considered a normative range, I am confounded until I can understand and focus in on the solution. I am sure that all parents working with an autistic child wants solutions and a focus to the range of workable possibilities. And love and support from others to recharge.

I think what is also difficult is the beginning, early childhood diagnosis. So often a parent, an educator, a physician wants a child appropriately developed to make a fair assessment and even order tests. I have heard parents speaking of the early years before a diagnosis as the hardest. These are the years of second guessing, confusion, helplessness that cause such stress to the already stressful job of raising and nurturing a child 24/7.

Please go read the ASA site at http://www.autism-society.org. And please give any parent your know with a child with special needs the love and support to recharge and keep on keeping on. My love and support, Cat Wayland

Dear IF readers,

I am home from the airport after my weekend with Crystal. Although I celebrated her independent living apartment at a housewarming party when she left home, this was my first weekend at the adult Crystal’s new home with her as my host. She was a lovely host. I was used to seeing Crystal in her mother and father’s home. Here at Crystal’s apartment, she was the one cooking, cleaning and caring for the pets. It is heartwarming to see any child become an adult especially this dear cousin in her wheelchair.

Over the course of our three days together, we had great heart to heart chats. We also got our nails done, and shopped and had a great “girls” weekend. I asked alot of questions and listened. I tried not to prescribe much of anything except a little more protein in her diet. I can’t help it, I’m a mom, its a mom disease to analyze young people’s food intake. Usually I know this professional sympton and stop myself, but I didn’t this time (sorry!). But besides that I listened. And I heard, and learned a great life lesson. Once again, Crystal and her Spina Bifida reminded me of how the same rather than different she is from everyone.

Crystal’s depression and attempted suicide and hospitalization in the last three months came from the void her life had become. After leaving a job, she was struggling to decide what was next. Instead of making progress, her kidneys had given her trouble due to complications and she was hospitalized. Once out of the hospital, she had nothing on the horizon. Nothing. And that nothing and the idea that nothing could go on forever, depressed Crystal into a corner. Her next act was a way out of the corner. Lucky for her and all of us, her journey out of the corner landed her in the hospital rather than the morgue.

Crystal has the same needs as all of us. She needs to wake up and look forward to what’s next on the horizon. Next for Crystal is her work as Miss Wheelchair NY, the national competition for Miss Wheelchair over the summer and a trip in August. While I was there this weekend, her blood pressure was high and she needed to rest. But she was looking forward to what was next. And so am I. One day at a time. That is all we have. Today and each other. I am so honored that Crystal is my family and I can share life’s simple lessons with her. Crystal has once again taught me much. And I am grateful.

Good reading, Cat Wayland

Dear IF readers,

I am packing and scurrying to the airport. The boys are with the babysitter, Papa is coming home early and I am on my way to Crystal for a visit. I was so touched to get a blog mail from one of my writers, Grandma Ellen, wishing me well. Here is her loving note,

“Catherine,

Your heartfelt piece about Crystal and her winning the “Miss Wheelchair N,Y.” title was stunning. My first thought, when I read about her award, was “Wow! That’s like being “Miss New York Subway” (or something like that) in the movie “On the Town”. But then I read further, and your feeling of trepidation came to the fore – beautifully expressed but with foreboding. I hope you and Crystal have a lovely visit and that all your reservations about the roller coaster-like events of her life are for nought.

Ellen”

This is what this magazine is about for me. Telling stories and having them heard. And creating the big extended family that is possible for all of us to lean on and heal with together. Share some laughs and joys. Avoid a few wars because we know better that we are essentially the same. We are all mothers, fathers, cousins, aunts, uncles, children, brothers, sisters, and we are all trying to keep our families safe and healthy.

I get on the plane to go to Crystal with so much strength in my heart that the world is rooting for this young woman in her wheelchair with a heart of gold and a smart head like a wizard that will find her magic.

Take care IF readers, till next time, Cat Wayland

Dear IF readers,

I should be very excited. My dear Crystal who I have been writing about that had quite a down turn of events in her life (with an attempted suicide) has just been named Miss Wheelchair NY. I helped her with the speech for goodness sake. But when she won, I worried rather than jumped up and down. I responded to her happiness with my happiness for her happiness. But I am left worrying that this latest great thing is too much of a turn from the latest really bad thing. Like a rollercoaster ride, I am ready for a more stable run rather than all the loops.

On Friday, I get on a plane to go and sit with Crystal for a couple days. And talk. Talk together with her over meals and shopping and sitting together. And hopefully in those three days together, I can express this concern. And witness the stable in all the loops. And go away reassurred that we are past the danger point of the ride, that we will return to the start point and start over again. Like most people, I hope and expect that life should be a series of “pass go” and “stop, you cannot pass go” again, and again, and again. That life shy of a few bad bumps will be predictable and we will all die in our sleep.

But that unfortunately is not really the case with everyone. And Crystal’s life is not in my control and I am not riding this caboose, Crystal is. I am simply a witness to this journey. And yes I am honored for the privilege to share in it. I am just a little seasick, and I hope the loops are over, for now. Well, we shall see. A plane ride on Friday. One foot in front of the other toward love and sharing. I will keep you posted friends, Cat Wayland

Dear IF readers,

I have a friend, his name is Francisco Aliwalas. I have known him almost as long as my husband, shy of a week. I say that because when my husband John was courting me, he took me on one of our first dates to see a film Francisco had worked on in Albany, New York. Francisco is one of a kind, truly. His heart is as lovely as his film work. Francisco is kind but he is anything but dull. I have never met someone as polite with his high energy. Normally this type of energy is wild and intrusive, but Francisco is effervescent and gentle all in one gesture. Francisco’s filmwork is captured by his eye and his character. I am so happy to introduce him to my readers and to link his recent work on Current TV in which three pieces are on Africa, “Milk, Meat and Blood” (of the Maasai), “Safari Wonder Boy” (the Serenghetti), and “Lady Lion in Tanzania”. Please enjoy Francisco and his work, I am honored to know him and his work, I hope you are too.

Francisco Bio:

Francisco Aliwalas is a Manhattan based filmmaker. His documentaries, series, and promos have aired on MTV, Discovery Asia, and AZN. For the Travel Channel series, 5 TAKES, he had been the Director, Videographer, and Series Producer for four seasons. In addition, he is a host/producer of YOUR TRAVEL GUIDE for that same cable network. In the realm of music videos, he directed, shot, and edited six. Francisco has made web content for New York Post, Current TV, Google Travel, Ford Models, Aviation Week, General Electric, and Dress for Success. Two of his latest documentaries, as Videographer, have premiered at the Sundance Film Festival and Hot Docs in Toronto. Recently, he won Best Picture, Director, and Editor at MTV World’s 72 Hour Short Film Shoot-Out and his series for Conde Naste’s Concierge.com titled 24 Hours in…won Best Online Video Series as voted by Magazine Publishers of America.

Link to the films on Africa:

http://current.com/studio/people/franciscoaliwalas

Dear Grandma Ellen

Great column on a painful subject. I liked reading about your continued contact with your parents and your friend. The impulse to avoid is so human, and so worth overcoming. If we hang out with our friends in their decline, we don’t have to wish we did, later.

Barbara Treasure

Dear IF readers,

International Family Magazine hopes to share the stories of many families and peoples around the world. IF mag also works to commit to global giving to areas that are without the means to shelter family or in the midst of disaster. Darfur is in the midst of disaster and has been for a long while now. In our October, 2006 issue of IF mag we reviewed the organization http://www.savedarfur.org that is building awareness for the crisis of genocide in Darfur. They are involved in sponsoring “Voices from Darfur” that books speaking engagements of Darfur refugees that spread the word on the genocide in hopes to bring awareness, intervention and change.

One of the voices of the refugess from Darfur is Daoud Hari. He has published a book, “The Translator”. As I began to take up the journey of discovery of Africa with you my readers, I thought to pick up Hari’s book and read his story. I did not know I would find such an exquisite storyteller. His introduction alone has me mesmerized. To have gone through the tragedy of watching so much death and to still believe in people as good, it is an honor to listen to him. Please pick up his book, “The Translator”. You can buy it at a local bookstore or online at http://www.amazon.com. For more information on Hari and his book, go to http://www.thetranslator-book.com.

But let me quiet my voice so you can hear Hari’s voice a moment. And then if enchanted by the storyteller as myself, go buy the book, and listen, listen, listen. And then get involved because once we have heard someone’s story, we are involved in their life and therefore accountable to it. An excerpt from Hari’s introduction:

“If God must break your leg He will at least teach you to limp: - so it is said in Africa. This book is my poor limping, a modest account that cannot tell every story that deserves telling. I have seen and heard many things in Dafur that have broken my heart. I bring the stories to you because I know most people want others to have good lives, and, when they understand the situation, they will do what they can to steer the world back to kindness. This is when human beings, I believe, are most admirable.”

I picked up Hari’s book to hear the story of Darfur. And somehow in all the tales of Darfur’s misery, I am salved by a man who somehow is teaching me how to forgive my own trespassors. God bless Daoud Hari. What a gift of a story, “The Translator” gives the world. I hope from this blog entry, many will go and buy his book. And then click on to www.savedarfur.org, write a letter to your congressman, buy a bracelet, and hear Hari’s story. You will be grateful for your life in a way you have never been before. Because you will hear a man tell a life that is beyond horrifying, and you will hear his gentle soul, and feel first shame and then resolve to live better. Thank you Daoud, thank you, Cat Wayland