Dear IF readers,

I should be very excited. My dear Crystal who I have been writing about that had quite a down turn of events in her life (with an attempted suicide) has just been named Miss Wheelchair NY. I helped her with the speech for goodness sake. But when she won, I worried rather than jumped up and down. I responded to her happiness with my happiness for her happiness. But I am left worrying that this latest great thing is too much of a turn from the latest really bad thing. Like a rollercoaster ride, I am ready for a more stable run rather than all the loops.

On Friday, I get on a plane to go and sit with Crystal for a couple days. And talk. Talk together with her over meals and shopping and sitting together. And hopefully in those three days together, I can express this concern. And witness the stable in all the loops. And go away reassurred that we are past the danger point of the ride, that we will return to the start point and start over again. Like most people, I hope and expect that life should be a series of “pass go” and “stop, you cannot pass go” again, and again, and again. That life shy of a few bad bumps will be predictable and we will all die in our sleep.

But that unfortunately is not really the case with everyone. And Crystal’s life is not in my control and I am not riding this caboose, Crystal is. I am simply a witness to this journey. And yes I am honored for the privilege to share in it. I am just a little seasick, and I hope the loops are over, for now. Well, we shall see. A plane ride on Friday. One foot in front of the other toward love and sharing. I will keep you posted friends, Cat Wayland

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