Dear IF readers,

This month of May is International Family Magazine’s celebration of “Mothers, Grandmothers, and Daughters.” I have had more than one mother. I have had many mothers. There was my biological mother that I knew for nine months in uterus, and a lifetime of DNA. I understand now that I have had biological children how incredibly powerful nature is. In the nature versus nurture argument I watched my two sons come out of my body already imprinted with a personality and temperment that is uniquely and specificly theirs from the first day on this Earth. Jax was and is always in his five years social, drawn to chaos, moves in the grays, charming, theatrical, emotional, empathetic, intuitive, sensitive, smart, tactile, high energy. Brody was and is always in his three years private, intimate, logical, observing, detailed oriented, low energy, loyal, loving, and peaceful or ferocious, black or white. All that I will ever know of my biological mother, grandmother and blood ancestry is in the natural instincts I hear in my veins each day.

My mother who is non-biological raised me until I was twelve at which time I went to boarding schools and camps till college. I remember hearing her heart break the first time when her mother died when I was five years old. Then later when my father left her. I remember her fragile and broken and in need of extra care and love. My mother had been a nurse so the house was clean, we were clean, and the furniture in order. If anything fell out of order or became messy, my mother’s smallness and insecurity became large and frightening. I moved between fear and pity of my mother my whole life, and I always and will always love her very very much. I was a stranger’s orphan baby and she took me in and stood on the wall watching over me as long as she could. She gave me many wonderful things. She was creative, brilliant and poetic. I have taken in so much of the information of good in her in my life.

When I went out into the world at age twelve, I knew I needed female role models so that I would learn how to live in the real world, have a job while keeping a family going, be strong and not break. The world gave me so many examples of bravery, entrepreneurship, and maternal love. There are so many women walking this Earth that take care of stangers and become guardian angels of sorts. I met and was blessed to know so many. There was my elementary friend’s mom, my first boyfriend’s mom, my boss, my older friends, and on and on. They showed me a map that became my makeshift one till I could draw my own. They were my adoptive mothers, I adopted them all.

I hope if I do anything right as a mother to my sons, Jackson and Brody, I give them all the good I can, and then allow them and others to fill in the gaps. I like very much the words of Kahil Gibran who says in so many words, that “our children are not ours, they are gifts from God that are lent to us….”. Everyday that I am a mother to Jackson and Brody is my gift in their journey of becoming. There are days when I cannot admit much beyond the DNA that ties us together, other days I am the great teacher, nurturer and finally, I am the nest that they began to fly from the day they were born……

My journey as a daughter was strange and beautiful. I hope I give my sons much beauty but I am sure some days they will find me strange. Here is to balance dear mothers, grandmothers and daughters, Cat Wayland

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