Dear IF readers

As the towns fell away during our drive up Route 3 on our annual trip north to Mount Desert Island, Maine, we began to see signs heralding Maine’s summer bounty — WILD BLUEBERRIES! Picking wild blueberries all around the island has been one of my family’s favorite pastimes for many a year. Our son, daughter-in-law, granddaughter, grandson, and we spend hours picking plump berries and dropping them — plop, plop — into the water bottles we use for collecting. This year’s crop, though, was like no other we’ve seen. Used to being alone in the patches, this year we were joined by scads of other pickers. And they and we returned home with buckets of berries to eat fresh and to freeze for a taste of summer during the cold months ahead.

A Taste-of-Summer Blueberry Coffeecake from Hot Moms Club, Summer 2007 (Delish!!)

Ingredients:

3 cups sifted all-purpose flour
1 1/2 tsp. baking powder
3/4 tsp. baking soda
1/4 tsp. salt
1/4 cup light brown sugar, packed
1 T. flour (for blueberries)
1/2 tsp. cinnamon
3/4 cup butter, softened
1 1/2 cups granulated sugar
1 tsp. vanilla extract
4 eggs
1 cup sour cream
2 cups blueberries

DIRECTIONS:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease bottom of a 10-inch tube pan.

Mix the butter and sugars together. Add eggs, then sour cream and vanilla. In a separate bowl, mix all of the dry ingredients. Add the dry ingredients slowly to the first mixture until combined. Before folding in the blueberries, toss them with the 1 T. of flour. This will keep the berries from sinking to the bottom of the mix. The batter will be very thick, but don’t worry.

Pour the batter into the pan and bake 60-65 minutes. Cool in pan for 20 mintes before removing. When cake is totally cool, pour the following glaze over the entire cake.

Glaze:

1 cup confectioner’s sugar
1-2 T. milk

Eat and enjoy!!

Dear IF readers,

This road trip of family and friends and extended family has been almost an entire 4 seasons of family life - we have been waiting for little Ryder to be born and although late, he arrived 4 days ago. We saw him on his second day into the world. This little boy is my Jackson’s friend Ben’s new baby brother, and new son to my dear friend Beth. We have also in the last few days embraced a dear little girl that lost her mother this year and faces her sixth grade year without her momma. This is Brody’s dear girlfriend from his New York City photo album that he shows everyone in his new school, saying “that is my girlfriend clapping for me, I was throwing a ball.” Her mother was a dear friend that I miss and am shocked not to be able to phone or email anymore. Death is always sad but young death feels tragic.

I just tucked the boys in from dancing at a wedding. Dear little michael, son of Joanne is now grown up and marrying his Stacy love. And his brother Brian, who I have known since he was 11, gave the most eloquent toast looking handsome in a tuxedo. And as my boys galloped around the dance floor, I know it will be just a moment before it is their turn to ride off in a chariot to their honeymoon. Life is always moving along, and this road trip was a grand tour of it all. I could not have invented this life learning for my boys in weeks of classroom notes, and am so thrilled to have this time with them. We have talked so much about all of these things we are witnessing on our 10 day road trip. Wonderful.

And now dear Crystal is with us in the car going back down South for a week long visit with us. And the boys finally talking a mile a minute, asking questions and analyzing everything, are asking every question possible to someone in a wheelchair, “Can you walk?” “Can you stand?” “Were you in a wheelchair in your mama’s belly?” “Why is your spine broken?” “Can anyone fix it?” “Will my spine break?” And on and on. It is something to watch your children watch the world. It is something indeed.

I honestly am elated with this trip. I could not have scripted it better for a book I would write the world to tell them of my life of family and extended family and friends. And today as I sat listening to the vows of Michael and Stacy and the talk of the priest marrying them, my mind raced with thoughts.

I will celebrate my 10th wedding anniversary this September. Marriage and family is the most humbling spiritual journey of a lifetime. It is never easy or self-satisfying but it is always fulfilling and growing, evolving. My best friend from college was sitting next to me today. I recalled the day Amy got married, and she looked at me and said, “Should I do this, is it worth it?”

I was having a spot of trouble in my marriage at that time we had hit a wall trying to have children and all that brought out in our relationship. And I said, “Yes, yes and yes again.” “I would do it all over again.” “You have to jump in with both feet, really run off the cliff and commit to the fall, because you would rather that than look over the edge wondering holding nothing at all.”

On Monday we will pull in our driveway, put the road cases away till next time, till the next great adventure. But this was a grand grand time, I will remember it always, good reading, Cat

Dear If readers,

The last couple days have been very hectic but filled with reunions of dear friends in New York City.  We attended 2 music cruises aboard the Circle Line that my husband still owns a partnership in “Rockin the River” on the Hudson here in New York City, Pier 83.  Since my husband and I met 15 years ago, our lives have been filled with music, movies and books.  And I love the music and what it adds to our life so very much.  And now with our sons.

Each night on Tuesday and Wednesday friends came aboard the boats as our guests to dance, catch up and see one another after a long winter abscence.  Wow.  It felt wonderful.  The first night, some IF creatives came out.  I cannot give If mag contributors enough thanks, music, gifts and hugs for what they do for the magazine. I cherish them.  It was a lovely night.

And then last night Wednesday, all our 2nd floor Armory neighbors and even our tenants for our apartment came out for fun and dancing. Some of our neighbors and their children and our sons have grown up together since they were tiny babies in diapers.  And last night, Francesca, Will, Gabby, Jackson, and my Jackson, Brody and Lola danced the night away as 3 year olds, 5 year olds, 8 year olds and 9 year olds.  My niece and sister in law were on board as well with some of my niece’ friends that are leaving for college soon.  This was touching they are excited nervous and clinging to one another and danced up a storm with all their energy.

I cannot say enough about music in the relationships in my life. Sometimes words are not enough. It is the gestures of joy and smiles and dancing and hugs that do the trick. And these past 2 days in New York City floating past the Brooklyn Bridge and Lady Liberty, we all grooved together like one big extended family without a care in the world…..fabulous.

Good reading and blessings, tango on……Cat

Dear IF readers,

And the journey continues. So much great stuff going on with the boys. Jax is processing that he lived here, went to school here, and has very good friends here. And that we still own a home here. But someone else lives in our home as a tenant much like we have rented a house down South till we move into our new house in Sept. “We are borrowing Jim’s house, and Jill and her family are borrowing ours”.

The questions are very detailed and rapid fire with my boys. Jax begins many statements with, “So what you mean is….” Now sometimes that is his way of reniterpreting what has been said to suit his needs, “So what you mean is, if I get a good report at music class, I will get my allowance earlier than Friday?” Our budding lawyer. And Brody makes alot of delcarative statements ending in, “Right Mom?” Fantastic my wonderfully curious minded children. Although I must admit there is times during the day that I wonder if it would be quieter in my house had I not worked as hard to get their brains cranking along, and kick myself under whatever seat I am seating. Ha!

Yesterday we went to see Brody’s best friend Jaker and his brother Luky, mom Eva, dad Richard, and grandma Judy. We stopped in the subway to listen to music and bought a bouquet of flowers for Miss Eva, Jaker’s mom. I am trying hard to have the boys learn social courtesy. So as we bought the flowers we talked about it. “Its very nice to bring something to someone’s house when they are hosting us, don’t you think?” And of course Jax replied, “Wouldn’t Miss Eva like a Ben 10 toy instead?” Again the lawyer trying to get to the Toys R Us outing that he has been promised if all goes well.

And I am so happy that the tides have turned with my boys getting around a city or traveling. Where once Brody used to get a little car sick and vomit all over us unless we got a little crushed up Dramimine in his bottle and he actually drank it on time, now he rides cars great. Oh yeah, and when Brody vomited that made Jax sick and he joined in. I will never forget a 7 hour car ride between our NYC apt and our Bristol seaside condo. I cannot describe the clean up job. And it was torrentially raining so stopping to clean was a real trick.

But yesterday, Brody was on my shoulders and Jax was asked to hold a strap on the back of my backpack as we maneuvered the cross town shuttle and then jumped on the A train express. They were beautiful gazelles moving through the crowds with confidence and ease and of course Jax would chat with whatever pedestrian or subway rider he thought interesting. There was a lovely exchange between him and a woman reading a scuba diving training manual. The fish types that she would encounter caught Jax eye and he engaged the woman about fish and his latest dives at 12 feet. She countered with her latest at 80 feet and Jax is now hooked on the idea of snorkeling and diving. The next great adventure!

Must start my day, good reading, blessings, Cat

Dear IF readers,

We drove into NYC last night and Jax and Brody are very happy and excited to be in their second home again. We passed all their old stomping grounds as we drove crosstown on 42nd Street. “Oh there is my water school”, said Jax. “There is my best friend Jakers house,” said Brody.

And yes, we will be seeing many of the boys good friends. Today, Monday is Brody’s big day to spend with his best friend Jaker. They have called one another and played the harmonica into the phone, sent art work and holiday presents. Jake’s mom Eva and I laugh and laugh and it warms our hearts that our little boys have decided not to let go of one another. This is so Brody’s temperment and style. He is a slow warm and then he is fast and furious loyal. I can imagine him having friends for many years.

Tomorrow is our first big music boat cruise around the status of liberty with our creative families from IF mag. Wonderful wonderful. I love to see everyone in person as much of the time we are on email. Some writers and photographers I have never met. But for the ones that I can spend time with it is very lovely. Cheryl will be bringing Zoe, and Pia her Camilla, and Olivia and husband Bobby, and on and on.

Well, I must get back to the hotel so John can get to work on time. Just an early morning stroll with my backpack to get wireless, stretch my legs, fresh air.

Good reading and blessings, Cat

Dear IF readers,

As we have settled into our New England weekend with my family, the reunions and get-togethers have been enlivening, inspiring, humbling, challenging and exhausting. Yesterday we were all over at my sister Pammy’s house for a barbecue, wiffle ball, and our homemade version of a rock concert. The children delight in each other, especially the younger ones Brody and Gigi (my sister’s youngest). My sister Pammy has the girls and I have the boys. We laugh all the time about my broken furniture and Pam’s tug of war with her oldest daughter. Always the debate, “are boys easier? are girls easier?” and then we just summarize, “They are all exhausting!”

Much fun was had. Gigi and Brody were the inspiration to all. They are 3 and 4, the same height, the same gold hair and talk a blue streak to one another that we cannot completely follow but they look like two journalists in a hot debate with hand gestures and nods, and squeals, and giggles. I have always enjoyed those two together and it will cause my sister and I to glance at one another at times and give one another a hug because at 13 months apart, we were once inseperable buddies.

My sister still calls me every morning at 7:30 a.m. to say hello and fill me in on her life and ask about mine. That being said, she is my big sister by 13 months and has taken those 13 months all the way to the bank and back. People comment on how demure and agreeable and understated I am around her. Family dynamics are amazing. I am very different away from my sister than I am with her. And yet, I enjoy the roles very much. With my sister I don’t make many decisions and to be honest I find that relieving. We went to Disney last year with both our families, she got tired, and for me it was the easiest vacation I have had in years. She was the boss, and that was fine with me.

Some of the relationships are not as fluid, and they are interesting and cause for growth. Pam is a efficient, organized, and would make a great second career in the army. Mom is sensitive, emotional and works only ever from the heart. These two need translators. My husband and my sister are both producers so they have a raucous teasing, “I am the boss” battle that is ongoing. But over the years, I have watched them employ great diplomacy and sports-talk - Pammy is a New England fan and Daddy is New York all the way.

Pammy’s husband Tommy and I are the creatives that get the band going and write song lyrics together. Our band name is “TomKat” and whenever things get too serious we run off to the basement with the children singing “In the Jungle” or whatever Springsteen tune we can remember the words to. We add humor and annoy everyone with our refusal to join conflicts or take sides. Tom and I are the great Sargeant Schulz from Hogan’s Heroes, “I see nothing, I hear nothing.”

Today my father comes to the beach with his wife Lorna and my stepsister Jessica. My stepbrother Chris is away for the weekend, but he is Jax’ godfather. Second family bonds can be really wonderful and really surreal. It is surreal to watch your father act like a totally different father and husband with a second wife. It is humbling to see the happiness and accept that the first marriage was not so good, and that was not in my hands to help or change.

The relationships with my step siblings has been a journey of discovery and joy. My stepsister Jessica helped me to illustrate a story when she was little and I was in my 20s and we have been creative sisters ever since. Jessica is the writer on Education Exchange and Travel for IF mag. And Christopher is earnest, and good, and smart and wonderful. He has been the most loving and smart role model for Jax.

Well, the boys are pouncing on my back which is painful as the air mattress although better than the floor, ain’t the Ritz.

Good reading and good road trips, blessings, Cat

Dear IF readers,

Well, yesterday was not the same bliss as day one on the road. Why? We mostly drove through 5 cities and city traffic. Yuck! Terrible, awful, yuck again! But we made it! And I have to say yet again, the boys were amazing. I was a grouch during the third city. Brody had a melt down at the end because he was trying to fall asleep unsuccessfully. But we made it! And at the end of the day, we were trying to get to Target before it closed to get air mattresses. I told the boys that they had been so wonderful that they could get a bonus pack of Pokemon cards!

We ended the trip with such momentum. “Mom, do you think we will make it before the store closes?” “How many more miles Mom?” And yes, we made it 27 minutes before the store closed, the success of it made all the exhaustion reinvigorated. My boys became efficient shoppers. “You go ahead and get the pillowcase Mom, I will push the cart, come on we don’t want them to close on us.”

Wonderful educational opportunities on the road. The atlas became quite the math lesson as the boys loved measuring the mile marker against our next proposed stop or goal. “I think that will be 500 miles Mom.” Now, don’t get me wrong talking math with a three and five year old, I believe the reasoning is more important than the accuracy. So when 50 miles becomes 500, I simply say, WOW, that is alot of miles, do you think we will make it?” They get so swept up in the magic of measuring and estimating, I think there is time enough later for accuracy.

There was also wonderful social education as well. We saw a man with a prosthetic leg who was walking great and taking care of his four children at a road side stop. Then we saw another man without prosthetics sitting without legs from the knees down while his grandson worked in the garden. In our hotel lobby a father and son were communicating in sign language. And there was a hitchhiker that we did not give a ride to but talked about and said if he hadn’t been in a difficult spot on the on ramp, we would have liked to give him money towards catching a bus. We gave a ham sandwich, a banana, and a water to a man and a cat who were asking for money on the side of the road. And on, and on.

So many of the conversations I had with the boys over the last couple days while we were all strapped in our seats with nothing to do but talk and enjoy one another for 20 hours of driving, were engaged and memorable. We talked about math, people, animals, geography, philosophies, and family dynamics with one another, and we recovered tough moments, and gave each other the family team handshake that Papa made up. I cannot tell you how full my heart is as a mother and as a teacher. There is so much to learn out of the classroom that helps the kids to reason and use logic and expression in the classroom it is awe-inspiring.

And then to greet us at our first destination of Rhode Island, and our old beach cottage that we have on the market to sell, was Grammy Patti, my Mom. She was so happy to see us. Her arms were filled with toys, and pillows, and blankets, and homemade quilts, and food, and water, and even a high end air mattress that rocked my puny one that I had just bought. And I don’t know if ever any of you very adult readers feel this around your parents no matter what the age, but I felt like I could relax, that help was here. And while I sunk into the warm bath, I heard Grammy and the boys giggling in the next room. Ahhhh……….life on the road. Wonderful.

Good reading, Cat

By Kent Converse

We have a native fruit in Kansas called “Sand Hill Plum.” It grows best on sandy hills, so that is where it got its name. The fruit is about the size of a quarter. The Sand Hill Plum bush can be two to eight feet high. Many a late freeze kills the fruit blossom and you have no fruit for the year.

This year, we had a late freeze and it got most of the crop but a few bushes came through the freeze and bore fruit.

Picking the plums is no pleasure. You have to keep your mind on the finished product because Sand Hill Plums are hard to pick. For one thing they have small thorns. The branches get intertwined. Other plant vines grow over the bushes. You pay the price for picking plums.

We make the plums into jelly and most people who taste it say it’s the best in the world. This year I am going to give some to my cousin who is going to make them into wine. It’s good too but I like the label on the bottle better than the wine. It says: “Converse Sand Hill Plum Wine.”

Dear Ellen,

I loved your article in the Magazine this month and agree completely. Peru is like Europe.
When we lived in Miami, making new friends was hard unless they were from work, and almost always the socializing was outside the home.

I remember once, when we still lived in Miami, and my husband´s parents were coming to visit us from Lima. The day before their arrival, the daughter and mother of a friend of Carlos from Peru arrived and stayed in our apartment for the night. I had everything set up for his parents, no extra sets of sheets for another group of guests and couldn´t believe that Carlos had said “those people” could stay and even more that “those people” had the nerve to even ask. Luckily they could only stay one night because of the arrival the next day of the parents but it was mass confusion to me.

I´ve had many other experiences like that and I guess due to growing up in the U.S., couldn´t understand having people, who were not even good friends, stay with you and having to spend time with them, etc.

I didn´t realize until reading your article that we are the “unusual” hosts. Thanks.

Laura Andia

Dear IF readers,

Wow, what a first day. Jax, Brody and I drove from Hilton Head, South Carolina to Fredericksburg, Va. yesterday. Papa flew ahead for meetings in New York. The boys were super, truly. Do you ever have one of those blessed days where even if your children were not your children, you would like hanging out with them? We sang songs, watched movies, posted stickers in new notebooks, and did some roadside stops. And when the signs said, “Washington”, I asked Jax and Brody, “Do you know what is special about Washington D.C.?” Jax answered, “Yes, it is where the President lives?” Jax is five. I told him right there and then he would get an extra dollar on his Times Square Toys R Us budget just for being such a genius.

And on the road, my thoughts rambled along. I had a distinct memory of my father. One year, I had a hernia surgery and ended up in a local hospital. A recovery nurse introduced herself as my cousin. I later asked my father why I had never met her or any of the other relatives that this cousin had spoken but only my grandparents. He answered that as a little boy every precious weekend of play was spent in a car, in nice Sunday clothes that couldn’t be messed up, visiting relatives. And he didn’t want to do that to his children, so he just let us be a family by ourselves for the most part, excepting holidays and special events.

How funny I thought. My dad didn’t like all the relatives, and I think that would have been fun growing up a part of a big clan. Mmmmmhhhh…..it is so hard to get it right with our philosophies in a group. And as I thought through this memory I laughed out loud that this roadtrip that was my idea and I am so happy and excited about it. But it might just turn out to be the thing one or both of my boys, complain about some day. Who knows? It is so hard to get it right.

I know that my boys have been fully human and clear from the day they were born with keen philosophies, dislikes, preferences, etc. And although Daddy and I insist on maintaining the authority in the house so the boys are kept safe and civilized, we do open the family table for meetings, dialogue and debate. Most times, these meetings are a beautiful exchange, and even my three year Brody has begun to contribute like a master negotiator. One impromptu meeting with Jax was memorable.

I had been grouchy over cleaning the house, and announced I was going to take a time out to cool down, I was aware that I was snapping at everyone. When I had taken a few minutes, I called everyone in for an apology for my awful attitude and temper. Jax instantly took the floor, and said, “Mom, now that we are on the subject of what you do that is unfair, may I tell you something?”

I was dying, it was hilarious but serious and his face was so intent. I said, “Yes, Jax, I have opened the family dialogue, it is an open floor, what’s up? ” And he said, “You know that thing you do when Brody and I are screaming in the car, you say that you are going to stop the car and someone is going to have to walk home? Well that is unfair as Brody and I do not have maps and do not know the streets well.” I had to contain myself I was smiling so broadly, almost giggling, he was right, he was absolutely accurate and fair in his wonderful little logical statement - what a thinker! What a processing genius!

And then I answered, “Jax, I think that is great feedback, I think it would be better to just say that whoever is making the car unsafe with their behavior, we will stop and they will get out for a time out until they have their manners back, how’s that?” Jax looked at me with self-pride and a sense of relief, “Good Mom, that’s a great idea!”

These road-trips that I like so much are great for some reflective family time. Here is to hoping the boys think so too someday! Good reading, Cat

Dear IF readers,

Brody and I are at the car wash getting the car scrubbed for our 14 hour road trip that commences at 1 p.m. today when we pick Jax up from camp.  10 days on the road visiting friends and family during the end of our summer vacation.  Fantastic fun.  My aunt Mo used to load my cousins in the car each summer from California back East.  And my cousin Kerry - one of my favorite, six foot, built like a brick, sweetie pie guys I have ever known - always told me stories that this was one of the favorite memories of his childhood.  He is planning to gear up for his four kid’s adventures on the road.  We talk alot at family reunions that we will all take an RV on Highway 1, San Francisco to Santa Barbara.  I hope we do it someday. 

So, our memories of summer roadtrips kicks off in a few hours. And we are very excited.  We have packed brand new notebooks, and crayons and 700 stickers.  Ohh, and last night I let the boys go to the store and buy a special treat and Jax found a 36 episode Pokemon adventure for the car’s DVD player.  I think when he found it, I heard angels singing.  When that cartoon is on, my boys are quiet as mice scared of a big cat.  Their mouths are wide open and they have to be reminded to eat.  What a blessing.

Okay, the nice man who always helps me scrape lollipop goo off of my car, has just told me “All set.”  That is a go!  We are off!

We’ll write more from the road.  I am sure there will be plenty of stories. Like the last time we took a road trip and my then 4 year old Jax decided we hadn’t gotten him out of his car seat fast enough and got himself so tangled up in the car belts that we had to cut him out.  That was a quick $175 escapade!

Alright, we here we go…….Cat  

Every month I get to contribute to this magazine and it continues to be the most incredible gift to me.  I get to rant and rave, I get to opine, and I get to write about the amazing people I have met along my journey as a single mom, an adoptive mom, a single woman and a mother to a child of another race.  The one thing I have not been able to do till now is communicate with readers.  And, if you are out there, I would love to know you better.

So… I’m calling on all you “non-traditionals” out there - single, adoptive, gay parents, straight married people with adopted children, anybody who wants to contribute or just rant and rave yourself about how it feels to be in a family configuration that some might consider “non-traditional.”  Is it just me?  I don’t think so.  There are millions of us out there.  And I would also love to hear from anybody and everbody in a traditional family who just wants to talk about the topics we address in IF.  IF you have a story, please share.  Reply to this post.

I want to meet you.  Let’s chat.

Best to all,

Cheryl

Dear IF readers,

I have a sister who’s a Sister. A nun. People always act funny when I mention it. Anyway, she came to stay with us for a few days this summer. My girls love her. We call her Aunt Boo, which is a childhood name that she hated, until she got too old to mind it. I’ve never stopped calling her that. When she was getting ready to leave our house to drive back to Pittsburgh, my youngest, Francesca, asked her to take a picture of us all together, so that we would have something to remind us of our ‘time of unity’. We laughed and she took the picture.

Aunt Boo is an incredible woman with a ferocious mission as a Sister of Divine Providence. She always wanted to be a mother, so she began taking in foster children who were severely challenged, so troubled that no one would adopt them. She took in the ‘unadoptable’. The harder they were to handle, the more gleefully she accepted them into her family, and by extension, into ours.

She spends months or years, or whatever it takes, patiently teaching them, working with them, holding babies for nights on end because they won’t stop crying. Putting up with tantrums, decoding childish language, feeding special diets, looking for new ways of coping with everything from fetal alcohol syndrome to spina bifida. And then, as soon as she works her miracle and a child who was completely unrespondant becomes a bright and lively, curious and loving little person, the exact right, hopeful parents come along and steal our new family member away. Heartbreaking. And then, you know what she does? She goes out and starts the process all over again.

We have our own ‘family extender’ in Aunt Boo. She spreads her love and allows us to spread ours to so many children who need a family, for just a little while, until they are able to enter a family of their own. We welcome all of her additions and we bravely hide our tears when they go on to their destinies. It makes our own family stronger, our own sense of unity.

Take care, good reading, Tess